peterskim blog

My blog is now at peterskim.org. Please change your bookmarks accordingly.

I don’t mind people disagreeing with me, but I do ask you to do two things:

1) Reveal your true identity. Even if you don’t want to reveal your name, provide a real email address since the email address isn’t published.
2) Be respectful.

Why should I give you a platform on my blog and take the time to respond to you if your only intention is to put me down. It’s one thing to disagree with my opinions and be willing to debate/discuss (which I welcome). It’s another thing to say I’m a dumb ass and retard and expect me to respond to that positively. When’s the last time you ever personally attacked someone and had them respond by saying, “Wow, thank you so much for calling me a dumb ass! I appreciate your comment!”

Now I’m not the type of person who approves of making everyone out to be a victim. Every human being is capable of making good and bad choices; I believe those who make bad choices ought to suffer the consequences of those choices.

However, as I saw and listened to Seung Hui Cho’s various last messages that were a part of the package he sent to NBC, I heard something familiar. I heard the cries of someone who felt left out, ridiculed, and most importantly, alone. It reminded me of all the strange people I met at my alma mater, Case Western Reserve University (which I thought had the highest concentration of socially awkward people in any one place in America, but I heard MIT is worse). It reminded me of when I felt excluded and alone in high school and college.

Although in many ways, American culture celebrates difference much more than other cultures, I think the materialistic and media-driven nature of our society continuously reiterates the definition of what is cool, what is acceptable, what is “hot”. And if you can’t identify with the artists, the musicians, the jocks, the socialites, the rich, or the beautiful, it becomes painfully apparent that you are abnormal, weird, an outcast, a freak.

What should our country do to respond to what has happened? Some people think we should pass stricter gun laws. I’m not strongly in favor or against gun control, so I don’t know—maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. What I do know is that we can start loving people more. What if someone reached out to Cho? What if someone had made more of an effort to befriend him?

I think a lot of people like to exclude others because it gives them a false sense of power and superiority. Some people think cliques are a natural part of being human. That may be true, but I think we can make a choice to stop thinking in terms of cliques and start thinking about people as individuals. I’ve had problems in the past with people thinking it’s okay to have cliques in the context of a church or “Christian” fellowship setting. I think there is no place for that in the church. If churches are going to have various cliques representing the “cool” people, the “beautiful” people and the “nerdy” people, how different is the church from any other institution?

I can guarantee you that there are hundreds, maybe even thousands of people like Cho out there. People who feel so lonely and so excluded from society that they are on the verge of doing something extreme. How do we prevent events like the Virginia Tech massacre from happening in the future? Let’s stop excluding people. Let’s stop looking down on people. Let’s start loving people.

One piece of advice my current boss gave me was to never chase titles. I think that’s good advice. I think there’s a lot of “title inflation” going around. But at the same time, it’s tough to not consider titles because they clearly indicates your place on the totem pole.

Out of college, I started out as QA Engineer (I probably skipped the Associate QA Engineer title because I had interned there). Then I became a Senior QA Engineer. It was nice having that “Senior” title. But when I wanted to become a programmer, I knew I would have to start at the bottom again. I lost the “Senior” part and became a Software Engineer. Now, after 2.5 years of being a Software Engineer, instead of progressing in a pure development role, I’m trying to transition into a Technical Consultant/Consulting Engineer role. And I’ll have to go back down to the bottom again. If I get this job at the company I’ve been interviewing with, I’ll be an Associate Technical Consultant.

I know it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m doing what I think is best for my career at a company that I like. I think it’s good for me to constantly be in positions where I have to prove myself. Those are the times when I learn the most. I think a lot of people too often allow their titles to define what they do (or more accurately, what they don’t do). At my current company, although I’m the most “junior” Software Engineer, I feel very proud of what I’ve accomplished here. In fact, I know I’ve added more value to this company with my work than some of the other, supposedly more “senior” engineers have. While that might cause some people to think they’re being undervalued or underappreciated, I think as long as I continue to work hard, my time will come. Someday I hope to be “Senior” or “VP” or “Chief” something. But maybe it won’t happen and maybe it doesn’t matter.

I was at John’s Harvard Brewpub last night when a trendy urban hipster girl sitting next to me leaned over and asked me if I knew Mandarin. I think I was a little bit shocked by the question at first, then I calmly replied “No, sorry.” The people I were with asked me what she had asked me; after I told them, the white girl in our group was probably the most upset for me.

You would think trendy hipster urbanites would be those least likely to make ignorant comments like that. You might expect old people who spent their whole lives in the boonies or anyone from the South to say stuff like that. But trendy looking 20 somethings from Cambridge, Massachusetts? From the so-called “People’s Republic of Cambridge”?

“We are here to create, not merely survive.”

…was much shorter than our previous trips. We got there early Sunday afternoon and left Monday evening. On Sunday, we ate Korean food, then went to church at the North Brooklyn Vineyard. They meet at a bar in Williamsburg, so you have to be 21 and over to go in. I wonder if anyone has ever ordered a beer during service, because they actually have a bartender working during the service. Maybe I should test them next time I visit and see if I get any strange looks. :)

Monday, we finally had the famous Papaya Dog. Let me tell you—we are extremely disappointed. Anyone know where to get a good hot dog in New York? Man, the Costco hot dog is better than the Papaya Dog. And it’s cheaper!

I had a job interview which went okay. This would be my ideal job; if I get an offer, I’m not even going to interview anywhere else. In many ways, it’d be perfect for where I’m at right now. I actually told my boss today that I just started actively looking for a new job and will probably be gone within a month or two. My boss is great; he understands the frustrations of working here and it’s nice to be able to have frank conversations about work and career and what we want to do in the future without worrying about whether he’ll fire me because of it. But he was very appreciative of me letting him know so that he can start looking for a replacement (which is not easy to do in this hot job market).

My friend Todd has also inspired me to work on some side projects. I’m going to learn Ruby on Rails so I can implement my ideas faster than if I were to use Java. I’ve got an idea in mind that I’ll work on as my first project to learn Ruby on Rails. (yes, cesareborgia; i’ve returned to geek-mode. although the practical/business side of me is still cynical of a lot of startups and how they expect to make money.)

I feel like we’ve been going to NYC pretty often lately, maybe once a month? The wife has a job interview on Monday. I’ll be tagging along to keep her company.

I will try to make sure I get a hot dog this time.

So I probably won’t be attending business school this Fall. Three of the four schools I’ve applied to have turned me down. I’m waiting on one more to get back to me, but basically it’ll be a miracle if I get admitted there. This is a bit disappointing but at the same time, I knew there was a pretty good likelihood of it happening. I have two friends who also did not get admitted to the schools they applied to so at least I know I’m not the only one going through this.

I know it’s not the end of the world. I will probably reapply next year. Until then, it might be a good thing to work for another year, shore up our finances a bit and get more experience. I will also take the time to do more research on what I want to do with my career. Every business school asks you to write an essay on what your short-term and long-term career goals are. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but during the past few months, I’ve had all sorts of ideas ranging from technology product management to investment banking to consulting. My intention is still to do something that utilizes all the ways God has gifted me in order to bless other people. The struggle is figuring out what the best balance is.

The disappointment I’m feeling is a little greater than what I might have felt two years ago because of my shift in ministry philosophy. I think most Christians believe that work is just work and church is ministry. I have come to strongly disagree with that and now believe that it should be the other way around: that *work* is ministry and church is just church (a.k.a. a place to have weekly congregational worship). Since I thought business school was a part of how God wanted me to grow in my ministry, it’s disappointing to have those plans sidetracked (at least for now). I still trust that God will continue to lead me in living a life of mission.

Our plans to move to New York City remain. In fact, they are probably expedited a bit since I’m no longer waiting until the Fall for school to begin.

I hate the idea of throwing books into the garbage. It reminds me of when the Nazis burned books during WWII. Books, in a way, represent the free expression and exchange of ideas in society.

But at the same time, we all need to reduce the amount of clutter in our lives and not create additional waste. I wonder if technology has gotten to a point where printed media is not needed or is even harmful to society because of the excess waste that is created in its production. These days, people can use the web to publish ideas. It is far less wasteful of our natural resources.

Yes, it is not as convenient to read ebooks on a PDA. But ebook technology is improving.

One alternative is for people to share printed resources more. I’ve been using the library more recently, instead of buying books.

I am going to throw a bunch of books into the garbage today. I don’t like doing it, but I don’t gain anything by holding onto them and they’re not worth enough to sell on Amazon.com or half.com.